Some Educated Puns

They’re lame but…

Contraception?

Marketing Tactics

Passed onto me from a friend…

This will clear up any confusion …

You’re a woman and you see a handsome man at a party.
You go up to him and say, “I’m fantastic in bed.”
That’s Direct Marketing.

You’re at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome man.
One of your friends goes up to him and pointing at you says, “She’s fantastic in bed.”
That’s Advertising..

You see a handsome man at a party.
You go up to him and get his telephone number.
The next day you call and say, “Hi, I’m fantastic in bed.”
That’s Telemarketing.

You see a man at a party, you straighten your dress.
You walk up to him and pour him a drink.
You say, “May I,” and reach up to straighten his tie, brushing your breast lightly against his arm…
And then say, “By the way, I’m fantastic in bed.”
That’s Public Relations.

You’re at a party and see a handsome man.
He walks up to you and says, I hear you’re fantastic in bed.”
That’s Brand Recognition.

You’re at a party and see a handsome man.
He fancies you, but you talk him into going home with your friend.
That’s a Sales Rep.

Your friend can’t satisfy him so she calls you.
That’s Tech Support.

You’re on your way to a party when you realize that there could be handsome
men in all these houses you’re passing. So you climb onto the roof of
one situated towards the centre and shout at the top of your lungs, “I’m fantastic in bed!”
That’s Junk Mail.
I hope you all have a complete understanding of Marketing now

Is this you…?

World of Warcraft Fail

So sometimes computer games may take over a persons life, and the results can be seriously distressing. The following video was a brother who hacked his siblings account, and then recorded the guys reactions. Seriously, wtf. Is this fake? He beats his chest and even tries to shove a remote up his ass. Um…

Are you “that guy”?

Everyone has that one dickhead friend. He’s the one guy who does asinine things throughout his day and is usually referred to in conversation as “oh, that guy.” We hate him, but for some reason he keeps ending up in our clan. Well, what if you’re ‘that guy’ and you are completely clueless to the fact? Don’t be shocked. Nine out of 10 ‘that guys’ have no idea they are ‘that guy’ at all. How do you know? We’re here to help. Here are the 10 signs you’re ‘that guy’ in hopes you can start leading a better life.

10. Last One To Leave The Party – A big part of being ‘that guy’ is the constant cluelessness that surrounds you. You’re having a great time at the party, such a great time there is no reason to leave. Even though the hosts are cleaning up around you and yawning uncontrollably. Trust them when they say there is no more beer left, get in your Hummer and go home. Time to move on to your next fun part of the evening which is not killing anyone on your drunken rampage back to your bachelor pad.

9. Revealing Plot Lines To Movies No One Else Has Seen – If you were the guy walking out of the theater loudly exclaiming “Oh my God, Bruce Willis was dead!” then there is no doubt you are this guy. If you claim you figured it out ten minutes into the movie, you’re the king of all ‘that guys’.

8. Talking To the Guy Peeing Next To You – Alone time is really alone time. People just need to concentrate on the task at hand, or in hand. No one wants to hear about the band or the hot girls in the bar when they’re just concentrating on not getting urine on their pants. This one we feel really strongly about. Please stop it now. We feel really dirty when this happens, and not in a good way.

7. Stands Up The Whole Concert – We get it. You love Creed. You love them so much you got tickets as close as you can get. But by you standing up the entire concert is leaving a pyramid of people behind you now forced to do the same thing in order to see over your huge melon.

6. Waits To Read The Menu Until You’re Ordering – You’ve been in line for five minutes. You couldn’t of utilized that time to look at the fast food menu? Now we have to listen to your “uhhhhhhhhhhh” while you’re waving your head like you’re at Wimbledon?

5. Follows Up Everything You Say With “Know What I Would Do?” – Sometimes people just want to rant. Whether it’s about their job, their girlfriend or even their life. It helps to get things off their chest and to move on. You know what the last thing a person needs at that time? Your crappy two cents. Go buy yourself a breath mint instead.

4. Keep Quoting Dane Cook Jokes – Stop! Not kidding, stop!

3. Hitting On Your Friend’s Girlfriends – Going through life thinking everyone wants to sleep with you is just sad and pathetic. It’s even sadder when you need to reassure yourself by hitting on all your friend’s girlfriends or wives. Girls in a relationship can spot a tool a mile away, stick with women in bars and the ones you find on Match.com. You know, the ones who haven’t got to know you yet.

2. Interrupts Someone’s Story To Tell A Similar Story Starring Himself – Wow, this is painful for you. Someone is telling a story about the last time they were at Dodger’s Stadium and sat next to a loud fan. You’re not even listening to it because in your head is a BETTER story about the same thing. OMG, you can’t contain yourself… you HAVE to get yours out… you’re going to explode. Just keep it in until…. wait. You can’t.

“You think THAT’S funny, listen to this….”

1. Talks About How Everything Sucks – It doesn’t matter what has been done, you can do it better. Space travel, you could have done it better. World leadership, you could have done it better. This article, you could have done it better. Right now you’re getting ready to leave a comment on how bad this article sucked. But take a look at yourself and think how many times you’ve already typed “sucks” this week, if it’s more than two… you’re ‘that guy.” By the way, that doesn’t mean this article DIDN’T suck, we’re just encouraging you to look at your inner dickhead.

stolen from here

Toast

Good News!

You’re Ugly

Ancient Tribal Wisdom

When you discover you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount.

Before you say “Duh-h-h!” note that in modern business, heavy investment factors often require that other strategies be tried, i.e.:

• Buy a heavier whip
• Change riders
• Threaten the horse with termination
• Appoint a committee to study the horse
• Arrange to visit other sites to see how they ride dead horses
• Appoint a project team to re-animate the dead horse
• Create training to increase the rider’s load share
• Change the form to read: “This horse is not dead.”
• Hire outside contractors to ride the dead horse
• Harness several dead horses together for increased speed
• Increase funding to help the horses performance
• Do a time management study to see if lighter riders would improve productivity
• Purchase an after-market product to make dead horses run faster
• Declare that a dead horse has lower overhead and therefore performs better
• Form a quality focus group to find profitable uses for dead horses
• Rewrite the performance requirements for horses
• Hire a consulting firm to perform a strategic study of best practices in continuous improvement in utilizing dead horses
• Promote the dead horse to supervisory position